Sunday, June 17, 2012

Harlem, USA: Two Weeks, One Latex Glove, No Regrets

So. While Serena "Annie Dillard" Howe is busily suckling her sustenance from the very pap of Mother Nature, tasting flavors none of us can imagine and probably even discovering new colors -- I'm not jealous, I'm not jealous, I swear -- I'm getting settled in Harlem.

It's been two weeks, and so far, so good. I mean, ideally there would be less trash on the street, but a used latex glove only fell on the ground in front of me once and the homeless guy who sits on my stoop for hours at a time making weird noises seems pretty harmless. And even though at one point, the stove, refrigerator, toilet, and internet in my apartment were all broken, I just reminded myself that if Serena can make it without modern conveniences, I damn well can too. The only difference is that I'm paying a hilarious amount of money for my anti-modern inconvenient apartment. So it goes.

And honestly, the only major disappointment has been the beer. So far, I've had Harpoon, Smuttynose, and Brooklyn Brewery's seasonals, and they just aren't Michigan beer. I know that should be obvious (they're all New England breweries, ergo, they are not Michigan breweries), but I feel like I should emphasize it: New England beer is not Michigan beer, and that's a problem. I imagine anyone reading this has heard me go off on a tangent about how Michigan beer is proof that there is a God and He loves us, so just imagine me giving that talk here.

Also, National Review is great, but I can't imagine a universe where anybody wants to hear me ramble about the delight of calling House staffers and Googling the hell out of legislative initiatives, so I'll hold off unless there's popular demand. Instead, here's that link to the Calming Manatees website the rest of cyberspace discovered a month ago -- although, come to think of it, Serena's probably borderline-comatose calm at this point in the day, so I'll just grab another sub-par but still-passable New England beer, check out some internet sea mammals for a while, and call it a night. Ah, the glamour of New York City. Believe everything they tell you, kids.


  1. Hey. Watch it. Don't go messin' with NE beer. Let me tell you, sister, New York City is not New England by any stretch. Just you come up to Maine, and I'll have a Baxter Brewing Co. IPA sit you down with its hoppy smack to the tastebuds.

    Also, good to hear from you, and I love this dynamic. Pictures soon?

  2. Hahaha, good to know. I'll withhold judgment, then -- I kind of have a crush on the entire state of Maine. And yeah, I'll try to put up some pictures of the neighborhood pretty soon.

  3. My little MacBook G4 I use in the office is so jank, I can't even be calmed by a manatee because the flash player or whatever it won't work.

    Not to make you jealous or anything, but Floyd has THE BEST BEER STORE EVER called Republic of Floyd. It's owned by this old guy with missing teeth and long hair. If Dragon Alley had a beer store, he would be the beerkeeper. And did I mention they sell MI beer? Why yes, they do. I have a Founders' IPA and Old Curmudeon in my cooler. Didn't pick up any Bell's for now--they don't have any Hopslam this time around, so I don't live in a completely charmed universe.

    So glad we're doing this together.

    1. Why you gotta tell me that? Just when I'd stopped thinking about Shorts Brew and Atwater...gaww